Doooomed.

Psychiatric perhaps, maybe she is depressed. Maybe she has a chemical imbalance or is sick. I know it pisses women off sometimes, but you just need to tell her that you have physical needs, and that fucking is one of them. To a man, having sex is a way of knowing that a woman cares, and by refusing to sleep with you, you feel like she doesn't care about you. Of course, that will not get you laid and will possibly make it worse as she feels more pressure, but you need to know what is going on and there's no reason to pussyfoot around it. If you are in a position where she is not willing to talk with you and you're getting nowhere, maybe it is time to leave.
- - - - -
That's what I always say about you, boz, you have a good memory for random facts about pussy. -- joh3n

..if you've been here a long time (as someone else?), you'll know my recommendation.

More seriously, it depends on whether:

a) you believe that you can regain what you think you had
b) you can be arsed to do so

If you do want to try, head for counselling, if not head for divorce.

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Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL

But I won't. In a previous relationship, 3 of the 5 years were basically without sex. The biggest reasons for our lack of sex life were 1) just ordinary "it's not new anymore" stuff; and 2) there were other, much more serious, problems in our relationship. Guess which one was more important?

So I guess my suggestion, since you asked for advice, is to figure out if there are any underlying problems. Also, do stuff together that doesn't have to lead to sex. Going to a movie. Going for a walk. Talk to each other. Massage (for her). Importantly, don't expect more sex to happen immediately - woo her again. And if there are more serious underlying problems, figure it out and work on them with her (and if she isn't willing to work on underlying problems, then your relationship is probably doomed). Good luck.
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If you don't get a Bonnie, my universe will not make sense. --blixco

once you hit your 40's, your libido goes down and you'd almost rather ride your bike.

Otherwise, see a marriage counselor, read The Five Love Languages, eat saltpeter, or see a divorce lawyer.

better than nothing

coupled with an entirely different approach to how you initiate the naughty?  Like, she comes home and you give her a massage and a bath and oh god I'm tired already can we take a quick nap?
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"You bring the weasel, I'll bring the whiskey." - kellnerin

It is the one truly universal leveller.
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You can build the most elegant fountain in the world, but eventually a winged rat will be using it as a drinking bowl.

no touch at all, not even snuggling, or is it everything but sex? it might be that she's tired or stressed. she might be depressed, or possibly even have a hormonal imbalance. maybe check with a doctor?

it's hard to say without more info, i guess. but don't forget that she might wish she wanted to more, but just doesn't. also, there might be things missing that neither of you realizes. try extra romance, nice dinners, just be extra considerate. don't make her feel pressured, just be sweet. maybe you've tried all that...but most, if not all, relationships take effort.
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if de-virgination results in me being able to birth hammerhead sharks, SIGN ME UP!!! --misslake

1. Write to Dan Savage
2. Spike her drinks
3. Spike your own drinks (which is my personal choice)

I'm English, and as such I crave disappointment. - Bill Bailey

..the question is whether you believe that you're still putting the effort in to make your marriage enjoyable. If you believe you are, and things are still bad, then its time to ride off into the sunset. If you aren't then a change of approach is required before you have a right to complain.

_{I'm still trying to decide if you're a troll or an old name with a new account (or both)}

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Girls come and go but a mortgage is for 25 years -- JtL

is what they're doing in the suburbs now

. . . rarely do something they don't want to do.

She says she has "lost interest" . . . and she doesn't know why? Well, that clearly doesn't cut it, and if she isn't trying hard enough to give you an idea of how/why she is feeling about it, that is another problem. My opinion is, before fixing a problem, you need to know the problem.

The result of the core issue is that you want sex/intimacy, and she doesn't. She needs to clearly explain her reasoning, her problem/issue with it, and why she doesn't 'feel' like it, and why she is unwilling to offer it despite that feeling (sacrificing her needs and wants for yours, out of love/compassion/duty/whatever). Hey, you're married, and sex is a normal and healthy thing, unless you are in some other different sort of contract. If you require a counsellor to help in the process, then I suggest you do it.

Once you know the actual root of the problem, then solutions might be easier to find . . .

(1) Send her to a doc.

(2) Look in the mirror and think about whether you're the common thread in your relationship-difficulty history.

(Like I'm one to talk... but hey, you asked.)

^{Getting more attention than you since 1998.}

Some womens just don't have much sex drive. I'm no doctor so I can't surmise why that is, but that seems to be the way it goes.

I think they put up with it during the dating process until they get the legal docs signed then you're on the downward spiral.

This is why I'm opposed to the institution of marriage unless you've dated for about 15 years or so. And frankly I think marriage should be for 5 year intervals. After 5 years you decide, as a couple, if you want to renew the contract for another 5. That would stop one member from taking the other for granted, or mis-representing themselves during the courtship.

Slozo hit it right on the head. She's not being forthright with her "dunno" reason. I suggest you stop going to work and paying the bills. Tell her you've lost interest in supporting her but you "jus don know why" when pressed for a reason.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

Here's a start. 

Seriously though, is she under stress from another area of your lives?

Try a month of concerted wooing and see how you go.    Flowers, choccies, candlelit dinners, long chats about not very much where you try to have her do all the talking.

I do find it odd that she's not putting out even a little bit to keep you sweet.  Surely that's part of being together; occasionally doing something you couldn't give a rats arse about that the other person really wants?

a person suddenly stops wanting sex either due to a medical problem or emotional problem.

"i don't know" as a reason could be either one, but if it's an emotional problem then she probably DOES know but doesn't want to deal with it.  this is a very bad sign for your marriage.  most likely "romance" will not solve the problem, but therapy and honesty will.

now, for the comment:  a big fat FUCK THE HELL OFF to all you fucking idiot men who pull the "she cut you off" bullshit.  Guess what, asshats....MEN PULL THIS EXACT SAME SHIT AS WELL so quit making it out to be some kind of woman-only stunt.

To be fair we do need more info.

Have you gained a hundred pounds over the past year? Changed your bathing habits? Taken a lower paying job? Etc???

That is to say - there could be some obvious reasons here that are getting overlooked.

Warmest regards,
--Your best pal Bob

How's my blogging: Call me at 209.867.5309 to complain.

but either A)She thinks it should be obvious to you and wants you to figure it out on your own because women are stubborn like that, B)She's banging the mailman, or C)She wants to deal with it on her own and doesn't want to bother you with what is worying her.

You'll never know unless you agressively persue answers, which may lead to fighting, but in the end you'll hopefully get some answers. Good luck.

"Stabbing someone in the head with a pitchfork is rarely beneficial to the relationship." - MereKat